disappointments....

Seems to be a month of ups & downs... first we find out we're pregnant and we're surprised but thrilled, definitely an up... and now we found out last week that I had a missed miscarriage. The baby stopped growing at 6 weeks and for the past 5 weeks my body continued to think it was pregnant... infact I just bought a couple of maternity items because my clothes were getting a bit too snug. I was devastated and a little afraid because I didn't know what to expect. The doctor advised us to have a natural miscarriage instead of a d&c because he felt it would be easier on my body. Well 6 days later... it was a bit more intense than he had advised. Physically I'm very sore and tired and resting (not the easiest thing for me to do)... emotionally we're ok. I know that God has a purpose and a plan even in this awful tragedy and His plans are always good and we come out stronger. I am disappointed that I don't have a baby to plan for and look forward to but this disappointment and sadness shall at some point pass. Steve took it pretty hard but he was such a rock for me. He took this past week off work and has stayed by my side the entire time. The kids were really upset and cried alot. They will be ok though. They know that Matthew is in their future and they will see him one day. I am thankful to have been given the opportunity and the joy of carrying a life He created in me even for such a short time... a pregnancy is always a blessing, the miscarriage doesn't alter the blessing on my life it only alters the plans I had made. But He knows the plans He has for me and I will continue to trust Him as I walk through this.....

Suprises.....

It's been a month since I last blogged... a month of suprises. We found out that we are expecting a baby. This will be baby #5 for us. It was totally unexpected. Steve and the kids are over the top excited. The kids are helping out more around the house and remembering to give me my prenatal vitamin every day. I've had mixed emotions over this. At first I cried and was unsure about going through this whole baby process again... our youngest is turning 7 next week. After it sank in I became a little excited and now at 10weeks I am thrilled to be carrying another child. That God would choose to bless us with another child makes me smile. Who will he look like? Yes I'm pretty sure it's a boy and we have a name all picked out (Matthew Levi). Will he have a mellow disposition like our 2 middle children or be a bit high maintenance like the oldest and youngest? When I think about this baby the word that keeps coming up in my spirit is "sweet".

Proverbs 31 woman

0An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. rare, precious 11The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. trustworthy 12She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. kind	Her Character as a Wife
13She looks for wool and flax And works with her hands in delight. works joyfully 14She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar. goes extra mile to get choicest goods 15She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household And portions to her maidens. disciplined 16She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard. enterprising, prudent with money 17She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong. energetic 18She senses that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out at night. good steward 19She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle. diligent	Her Devotion as a Homemaker
20She extends her hand to the poor, And she stretches out her hands to the needy. compassionate, generous	Her Generosity as a Neighbor
21She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet. provident 22She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. elegant 23Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. influential 24She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies belts to the tradesmen. industrious	Her Devotion as a Homemaker
25Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future. poised 26She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. wise	Her Influence as a Teacher
27She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. manages her home 28Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: praiseworthy 29"Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all." distinguished	Her Effectiveness as a Mother
30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. God-fearing 31Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates. honored	Her Excellence as a Person
~ Proverbs 31:10-31

Welcome to my blog....

I've been toying with the idea of starting a blog for months... but now that I actually have one it's a bit intimidating. A friend of mine said to just start and it will get easier. I guess I'll have to trust her on that.

I'm an absolute perfectionist.... but I'm working on it. This Christmas I actually gave up the tree to the kids to decorate and didn't redo it after they went to bed. May not sound like much to some... but a big step for me. I like lists and plans and knowing the end results of something before I start. I'm extremely predictable. I don't like making mistakes. I always do the right thing... what's expected of me. I am far from perfect and learning that it's ok to make mistakes along this journey called life... to trust my heart in decisions and to not care so much what others think.

I am married to a complete opposite of myself. Steve is wonderful and is constantly challenging me to just be me! He is funny, disorganized, and unpredictable. He rarely makes lists, keeps all info in his head, and doesn't usually think about the end result. He doesn't care what people think and always follows his heart. He is a wonderful husband... supportive, encouraging and loving. He is a terrific father and a Godly example and leader for our family.

We have been married 12.5 years and have 4 beautiful children. Nicole is 11.5 (can't forget the half... it's very important). She is amazing and beautiful. If I had to pick 2 qualities to describe her they would be truth and compassion. She is refreshingly honest and loves truth (even to the point of being stubborn at times)... sometimes I have to remind her that she doesn't always have to be right (so much like me)... she can definitely argue her points well. She is at the same time so compassionate and has a passion for souls. She decided she wants to be a missionary to Africa teaching young children. Jonah is 10. He is obedient (sometimes to a fault) and kind. He always does the right thing. Always flexible. He is by far our easiest child. Lily is 7. She is sweet, responsible and very sensitive. She is such a help to me and loves doing things around the house. She will cry over the slightest negative tone of your voice. She is also our cuddler. Joseph will be 7 next month. He is our baby. He's very funny and tries to keep up with the other 3.... not always an easy task. It's hard not to baby him and at times I forget how big he's getting.

Well that's it. That's our family. We live on 15 acres and farm organic fruit that we sell in Northern and Southern California. We go to a terrific church and have awesome friends that we love spending time with. I homeschool our 2 youngest and our 2 oldest go to a private Christian school. This blog will give me a chance to record our life because we get so busy and time goes by so fast. It's kind of a written testimony of the wonderful things God is doing in our life.

Robin