disappointments....

Seems to be a month of ups & downs... first we find out we're pregnant and we're surprised but thrilled, definitely an up... and now we found out last week that I had a missed miscarriage. The baby stopped growing at 6 weeks and for the past 5 weeks my body continued to think it was pregnant... infact I just bought a couple of maternity items because my clothes were getting a bit too snug. I was devastated and a little afraid because I didn't know what to expect. The doctor advised us to have a natural miscarriage instead of a d&c because he felt it would be easier on my body. Well 6 days later... it was a bit more intense than he had advised. Physically I'm very sore and tired and resting (not the easiest thing for me to do)... emotionally we're ok. I know that God has a purpose and a plan even in this awful tragedy and His plans are always good and we come out stronger. I am disappointed that I don't have a baby to plan for and look forward to but this disappointment and sadness shall at some point pass. Steve took it pretty hard but he was such a rock for me. He took this past week off work and has stayed by my side the entire time. The kids were really upset and cried alot. They will be ok though. They know that Matthew is in their future and they will see him one day. I am thankful to have been given the opportunity and the joy of carrying a life He created in me even for such a short time... a pregnancy is always a blessing, the miscarriage doesn't alter the blessing on my life it only alters the plans I had made. But He knows the plans He has for me and I will continue to trust Him as I walk through this.....

Suprises.....

It's been a month since I last blogged... a month of suprises. We found out that we are expecting a baby. This will be baby #5 for us. It was totally unexpected. Steve and the kids are over the top excited. The kids are helping out more around the house and remembering to give me my prenatal vitamin every day. I've had mixed emotions over this. At first I cried and was unsure about going through this whole baby process again... our youngest is turning 7 next week. After it sank in I became a little excited and now at 10weeks I am thrilled to be carrying another child. That God would choose to bless us with another child makes me smile. Who will he look like? Yes I'm pretty sure it's a boy and we have a name all picked out (Matthew Levi). Will he have a mellow disposition like our 2 middle children or be a bit high maintenance like the oldest and youngest? When I think about this baby the word that keeps coming up in my spirit is "sweet".